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The Blind And The Dog  |
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John was waiting to cross the street when a blind man approached with his guide-dog. The traffic sign turned green and instead of helping its master to cross, the dog raised its rear leg and peed on the shoes of the blind man. |
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Cheerleaders |
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Female cheerleaders are cute, sexy, fresh, and all American. |
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Condom Complaint |
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A man was carrying 2 babies, one in each arm while waiting for a train. Along came this woman and seeing the 2 cute babies started asking the man, "Aren't they cute, what are their names?" |
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The Origin Of Women |
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Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked Adam, "What is wrong with you?" Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to. God said he was going to give him a companion and it would be a woman. |
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Wisdom and Questions |
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# Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
# One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
# Atheism is a nonprophet organization. |
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No Drinks For Bears in Baraboo |
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A bear walks into a bar in Baraboo, Wisconsin and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer. The bartender approaches and says," We don't serve beer to bears in bars in Baraboo." The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer. |
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A Slow Reader |
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A blonde and a brunette are running a ranch together in Louisiana. They decide they need a bull to mate with their cows to increase their herd. The brunette takes their life savings of $600 dollars and goes to Texas to buy a bull. |
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Doctor Checkups |
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A girl goes into the doctor's office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a red 'H' on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he's so proud of it he never takes off his Harvard sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies. |
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Men vs. Women |
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# 8:15 Wakeup to hugs and kisses
# 8:30 Weigh in 5lbs lighter than yesterday
# 8:45 Breakfast in bed, fresh squeezed orange juice and croissants 9:15 Soothing hot bath with fragrant lilac bath oil 10:00 Light workout at club with handsome, funny personal trainer
# 10:30 Facial, manicure, shampoo and comb out
# 12:00 Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe |
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African & Russian Ambassadors |
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The ambassador of a small African nation chanced to visit Russia, and was entertained by his opposite number, the Russian ambassador. For three days, the African ambassador was wined, dined, and generally treated to the best hospitality that Russia had to offer. |
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